


Scars on His Neck

by Demi_Fae



Series: Hollow Hearts [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Gen, I am warning you now, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Listen it will not be happy, M/M, Suicide, also this is obikin, because... yeah, but it is intended romantically, im just gonna add that one too, it is not meant to be happy, you can read it as platonic bc theres nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23911951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demi_Fae/pseuds/Demi_Fae
Summary: There are scars on Anakin’s neck.Obi-Wan is always hyperaware of the lines that encircle his throat and the jagged edge that starts at his chin and ends somewhere beneath Anakin’s collar.Obi-Wan’s never been able to tell how far. Anakin’s never told him.Anakin’s never told him anything about how he got those scars. Hasn’t said much of anything, since-Obi-Wan squeezes his eyes shut.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Hollow Hearts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724320
Comments: 31
Kudos: 180





	Scars on His Neck

**Author's Note:**

> I read literally one (1) line of a summary, something about Anakin having a scar on his neck since he was turned into a vampire, and this spawned.  
> I wrote 1500 words in an hour, and then the rest of it in day afterward instead of doing homework.  
> Also, if you didn't see the Major Character Death tag, I'm warning you now: That is happening. I think it's kind of obvious that this story is leading up to that, but... Well.  
> In other news, I almost turned this into a poem. As it stands, it still kind of reminds me of some I wrote in high school...

There are scars on Anakin’s neck.

Obi-Wan is always hyperaware of the lines that encircle his throat and the jagged edge that starts at his chin and ends somewhere beneath Anakin’s collar. 

Obi-Wan’s never been able to tell how far. Anakin’s never told him. 

Anakin’s never told him anything about how he got those scars. Hasn’t said much of anything, since-

Obi-Wan squeezes his eyes shut.

* * *

_They’re high-profile targets,_ Obi-Wan has to remind himself. _These people wouldn’t kill him, he’s worth too much-_

Obi-Wan doesn’t believe himself.

* * *

The thing is, they are high-profile targets. 

Kenobi and Skywalker, The Team. 

They’re the face of the Republic, its most adored darlings, its best Generals. 

Ultimately, they’re too much of a risk to be captured together. 

Instead, Obi-Wan stands before the Council as he’s debriefed on his former padawan’s disappearance. 

_Well-organized, practiced. Professionals,_ they say. _There was little he could have done to retaliate, much less escape._

 _We have too little to go off right now and the bounty on his head is high enough… We’re expecting a call from the Separatists any day now._ They don’t have to say it. Obi-Wan doesn’t know if they’ll be calling for a ransom either. 

Obi-Wan doesn’t know much at all. 

* * *

Ahsoka wasn’t there when Anakin was taken, and that’s a relief that barely soothes his wound. Anakin’s padawan- _their_ padawan- is too bright to have been taken from Obi-Wan’s life as well. 

If any more stars are taken from his sky, all that’s left will be void.

Obi-Wan takes her on as his _temporary_ padawan. She and him both know that with every passing day, that word is being used less and less. 

Neither of them address it.

* * *

It’s been three months, sixteen days, eight hours, and twenty-six seconds since _then,_ and Obi-Wan can’t breathe. Their bond had been live for only a split-second, but it was enough. 

The cavernous hollow in Obi-Wan’s chest had been lit on fire for a second. The shimmering gossamer strand that connected his and Anakin’s lives- their minds, their very _souls-_ and been a testament to their love had been doused with pain, and lit with pure agony. 

The empty space in his mind where Anakin usually sat was curling with smoke, leftover residue. That they had been connected was glorious, that Obi-Wan knew a fraction of what Anakin was going through was torture. 

The love of Obi-Wan’s life had been connected with him again- enough to know that Anakin was alive, at least- before being torn away again. That they had been so close, for not even a moment, only to be ripped apart...

It was agony too much for him to bear. 

Obi-Wan laid in the chill of his cabin, only his heaving breaths breaking the oppressive silence. 

* * *

The Council had been waiting for a call. 

They never received one. 

* * *

Only battle had an effect on him, now. 

There, Obi-Wan felt alive, and there was the only place Obi-Wan didn’t feel a hole where Anakin should have been. 

No, that was a lie. 

There would always be a hole next to Obi-Wan, one that could never be filled. It was simply easier to ignore on the battlefield. 

Obi-Wan knew that Cody was worried about him. However, there was nothing the man could do. Obi-Wan was eating properly, going to medical when he was injured, even trying getting enough sleep. And if once in a while he stared off into the distance for too long, who was going to say anything?

The 212th and 501st had been as close as their Generals, and he wasn’t the only one keenly aware of Anakin’s absence.

* * *

It had been six months, three days, seventeen hours, and fifty seconds when they finally caught a lead. 

Vos, it seems, had been on the lookout for any clues that could lead them to the missing General. He hadn’t been able to devote his time to the search fully, the Republic still taking precedence, and after six months no one wanted to say what everyone was thinking. 

Still, Obi-Wan and Quinlan had been good friends. He knew that Vos would keep an eye out until Anakin was found, one way or another. 

Obi-Wan couldn’t help but think that Vos still should have done more, even as logic whispered that there was nothing more to be done. 

Obi-Wan was tired. 

* * *

Obi-Wan was angry.

The Council had been keeping information from him, information that he could have used to save his battle brother, his best friend, his dear one, his-

Obi-Wan cut that thought out before it could slip past his shields. 

_You were- are- compromised, Kenobi. All of these meetings were traps, and you would have gone rushing into them! We’ve already lost one of our most talented leaders in this war, we don’t need to lose another._

Obi-Wan heard, but he didn’t listen. They had _known_. 

_You’re not going on this mission, Kenobi. Obi-Wan. Please, just leave the rescue to us._

* * *

It was eleven months, fourteen days, seven hours, and thirty-seven seconds before Anakin came home. 

Mace Windu, Quinlan Vos, and Aayla Secura had gone with a few others to raid the place where Anakin had been kept. Obi-Wan didn’t know much about it or the people, other than the fact that they hadn’t been Separatists. Some sort of third party, maybe, trying to get information to sell or a body to ransom or- Well. It didn’t matter anymore. 

Anakin was home, and there was a fire growing in Obi-Wan’s chest.

* * *

The thing about fire is that it burns. 

* * *

Anakin had been in the Halls of Healing for one week, four days, seventeen hours, two minutes, and thirty-two seconds. He had been in surgery for fourteen hours, in bacta for eight days and three hours, and had been in a healing trance for the remainder of that time. 

Bacta couldn’t fix everything.

Obi-Wan had refused to leave his side, other than to eat or relieve himself as quickly as possible. Ahsoka had been next to Obi-Wan for most of that time, though she spent time outside of the Halls as well. 

The Council had let Obi-Wan and his men stay on Coruscant on leave, at least until Anakin was healed. He didn’t know if this was out of pity _(though Jedi don’t have emotions-)_ or the knowledge that Obi-Wan would stay regardless of orders, but he was grateful. 

_They should have done more._

* * *

It was two weeks, nine hours, twelve minutes, and seventeen seconds after Anakin was brought back to the Temple that he woke up. Obi-Wan immediately knew when Anakin regained consciousness, and rushed to his side. 

Obi-Wan grasped at his love’s hand, tears streaming down his face, rambling though he knew he should give Anakin time and space to process what was going on. 

Anakin flinched. 

Obi-Wan sat back and tried to keep his voice calm enough to ask what was wrong. 

Anakin never responded.

* * *

Anakin had been back for two months, three days, twenty-two hours, and fifty-seven seconds. 

It didn’t feel like he had come back at all. 

Through his stay at the Halls of Healing, Anakin had barely responded to anything. He shifted or held his arms out when asked, ate food when prompted, but nothing more. All of his movements seemed mechanical, routine. There was no spark behind his eyes, no emotion in his face. 

Their bond was restored, but it was nothing like before. 

Before, when he could nudge Anakin and get a startled laugh out of the younger man. Before, when the two could practically taste each other when bonded closely enough. Before, when every moment they basked in shared love. 

Now Anakin’s very presence in the force seemed to be muted, pulled in on itself. One of the Healers had suggested that it was a defense mechanism, to hold onto what was ‘safe’ even if he had no access to it at the time.

After Anakin had been allowed to leave the Halls, he moved back into he and Obi-Wan’s shared apartment. 

It was like living with a memory of a man. Anakin barely moved some days, and Obi-Wan could go a week without catching a glimpse of him. 

Most days, he sat on a chair near the windowsill and just stared. 

He never made a sound. 

* * *

Obi-Wan couldn’t stay with Anakin forever. He had known this for weeks, and was practically ready to snap from the stress when he received his orders. He was to ship out in three days, for some small planet Mid-Rim. 

Obi-Wan went to go tell Anakin, who had taken up his preferred spot. He hadn’t bothered to change into his tunics, hadn’t for weeks, and was still in his sleepwear. Anakin had also dragged out an older blanket, had it wrapped around his shoulders like a shield. 

Even when Obi-Wan broke down, Anakin didn’t move a muscle. He just stared out the window, affecting nothing and letting nothing affect him. 

Obi-Wan didn’t know which was worse: That Anakin had completely ignored him, or didn’t notice at all. 

* * *

Every moment not spent on the front lines was spent at Coruscant, with Anakin. At home. 

The clones and Ahsoka were just as worried about Anakin’s condition as he was. None of them had ever seen the man act so placidly, so emotionlessly, so empty. It scared them. 

It scared him. 

* * *

There were good days and there were bad days. 

On the good days, Anakin would respond. He would nod along to what people were saying, at least paying attention. On extremely good days, a hint of a smile would curl on his lips. On those days, they were all overjoyed. 

It just made the bad days worse.

Those days far outnumbered the good. When Anakin wouldn’t even move a muscle, just laying still for hours on end. Drifting in and out of sleep, eyes glazed over. They couldn’t do a thing. 

It made Obi-Wan’s heart shatter just a little more, every day.

* * *

Anakin would wander the Temple, sometimes. 

Never during the day, not when there were so many people. No, only at night, when the nocturnal species would be up. Most of the time, Obi-Wan could intervene before Anakin could even leave his room. They would wander together, silent. 

Other times, one of the other Jedi would notify Obi-Wan of Anakin’s whereabouts. Most of them knew to contact him, after the third or fourth time. 

Very rarely could Anakin evade notice. On the days he did, no one knew where he went. 

Only that the next day, Anakin’s eyes would be darker than normal, the bags under them deeper. He was worse than ever on those days, and there was nothing anyone could do. Nothing he could do. 

* * *

Obi-Wan did eventually find out where Anakin was heading, though. 

It wasn't rare for Obi-Wan to have nightmares, rather the opposite. However, it was rare for a nightmare to coincide so perfectly with one of Anakin’s mysterious disappearances. It was even more rare for Obi-Wan to notice before Anakin returned. 

Obi-Wan found him, eventually, in one of the Temple’s spires. He was shivering in his thin nightclothes, standing on the ledge of a window. 

Horror rose in Obi-Wan’s heart, and he pulled Anakin away from the steep drop. _What were you thinking, dear one? If you fell- There was no way-_

Obi-Wan knew that that was probably the point. He didn’t want to face it all the same. 

Tears were gathering in his eyes, and he couldn’t stop himself from grasping desperately at Anakin’s arms. Obi-Wan held him close to his chest, and let the sobs wracking his body convey everything that his voice couldn’t. 

* * *

Obi-Wan was standing before the Council, giving a report over his last mission when he felt it. 

A chill permeated the Force in the Temple, strong enough that some of the creche must have felt it. All activity froze, Jedi stopping where they stood. A wave of pain, fear, and an indescribable sadness deeper than Kamino’s ocean. At the same time, Obi-Wan felt a snap deep in his skull, an unravelling- one he recognized from years ago-

Obi-Wan ran. He knew that his ‘frivolous use of the Force’ might later be condemned by some other Masters, but he couldn’t care less right now. He flew by other still-frozen Jedi, leapt over those who wouldn’t move fast enough. Every second would count, now.

Shimmering gossamer was unraveling in his mind, leaving him alone-

_Please, no, dear one- You can’t have- Please, please, pleasepleasepleaseplease-_

* * *

There were scars on Anakin’s neck, Obi-Wan noticed. 

It was such a small detail, really, in this scene. 

Obi-Wan floated across the room from where he had frozen in the doorway. He disregarded the Jedi who had thrown open the door to their shared quarters. They had been barely a minute behind Obi-Wan himself. 

Obi-Wan sunk to his knees beside Anakin’s prone body, and pulled his head into his lap. 

_Oh, Anakin,_ Obi-Wan thought. The details on his lover’s face were blurring, and Obi-Wan didn’t know if it was because of exhaustion or his tears. 

_This lightsaber is your life,_ He remembers telling the boy hundreds of times. The smell of burning flesh wafted up toward Obi-Wan’s nose, coating his mouth in a way he’d never forget. 

The Jedi behind him were making quite a fuss, now. Obi-Wan doesn’t notice, or perhaps he just doesn’t care. 

There are scars on Anakin’s neck, and a lightsaber through his chest. 

* * *

It was one day, three hours, fourteen minutes, and seven seconds after Anakin-

After Anakin. And Obi-Wan was attending his funeral. 

_Was this how you felt, dear one?_ Obi-Wan wondered. _At my funeral? When I ‘died’ in Ahsoka’s arms and you carried me back to the Temple… Was this pain the same? A heart-wrenching horror, the feeble hope that this was a dream, the weightlessness?_

Because that was the truth. Without Anakin to tie him down to reality, nothing felt real anymore. There was just the knowledge that Anakin was gone, forever, and nothing would be the same again. 

He hears condolences without really listening, the same Jedi platitudes he heard at Qui-Gon’s funeral all those years ago. _There is no death, there is the Force._

There is no Obi-Wan without Anakin by his side. 

* * *

There’s a lightsaber in Obi-Wan’s hand. 

**Author's Note:**

> Things I wanted to include but couldn't figure out how to without breaking up my flow: The lightsaber Obi-Wan is holding at the end is Anakin's. Obi-Wan does kill himself at the end, if that isn't clear enough? 
> 
> Anyway, I wanted to thank you for reading this! This is my first ever (published) story in the Star Wars fandom, though I've been in the fandom for a while... Also I'm just a little bit upset that I wrote more words for this faster than I have some fics that I've spent literal months plotting out. Why, brain :/  
> You can yell at me on tumblr at [rynae-reblogs!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rynae-reblogs)


End file.
